I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
