If i come over, it means nothing
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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