Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
