in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
