This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
