he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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