wanna go halves on a baby?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize