How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize