Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
