Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
