Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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