Got a toothbrush?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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