she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
