I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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