What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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