come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize