Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
So. Much. Porn.
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