oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
