like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
