not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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