Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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