so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
