the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
