we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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