oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
