The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
