How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why is your signature on my underwear?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize