True but thats because hes a fetus.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
