if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
