why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
