There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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