hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
