you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
