apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
