You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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