I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize