I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
