Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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