Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
