Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
