i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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