Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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