It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
