if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
