for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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