fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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