After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
