I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
