Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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