goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
