Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
