not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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