Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
