I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
