We need to rekindle our bromance
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
