dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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