i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize