Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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