I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
