I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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