I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
