tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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