Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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