you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
