a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
