Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
