Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
